Tuesday, September 28, 2010

So Monday night is my bible study night. I go to an upperclassmen one, and then before that one is finished I run over to one in my dorm. I love bible studies and getting to hear what is on everyone's heart and being able to set apart a time in my day to just read the word and talk about Jesus. So last night I went about my normal routine of running to and fro to bible studies. When I got to the Cross Hall Bible study, I was a little exhausted and stressed. I was worried that the cookies I had made for the two upperclassmen bible studies tasted like crap. I was worried about all the school work that I have been procrastinating on. I was worried about my future and whether I'm majoring in the right thing and also if I will be a old, single, cat-lady for the rest of my life. (You have probably realized by now that I worry over every little thing. I'm usually a stress bubble most of the time.) Needless to say, my mind was overflowing with doubt. So I sat down in the lobby ready to get Bible study over with, so that I could go back to my room and procrastinate and worry some more. Then Lindsey started talking about God's will for our lives, and what that really meant. We talked about that for awhile, and then Lindsey talked about her trip to Poland. While she was there, she visited some concentration camps and she told us how it affected her and her faith. By the time she was done talking I just wanted to cry. I'm not exactly sure what it was that she said, but something at that Bible study really spoke to my heart. So once we finished I went straight back to my room, locked the door, turned off the light and just prayed. I was in there for a good hour and half just praying, crying my eyes out, and singing praises to God. I realized how busy and selfish I had been so far this semester. I hadn't realized how far from God I had been till I had returned to Him and was sitting in perfect peace at His feet. For the first time since school had started, I didn't feel stressed or worried or consumed with anything but God. It was so peaceful and beautiful. I hadn't cried in I don't know how long. This time was a perfect gift from God, that he knew I desperately needed. As I sat in my comfy sofa chair in my completely dark room just singing and crying, I opened my eyes to see all my glow-in-the-dark dinosaurs glowing all over my room. It's sad but that was so perfect to me. I couldn't stop smiling. And to top off this perfect evening, I suddenly heard the voices of my two friends, Audrie and Allison, singing "Just Around the Riverbend" outside my door. I for sure wasn't opening that door because I looked plain old nasty with my tear-stained face. So I sat there and let them bang on my door and I laughed silently to myself. Its weird but the combination of those glow-in-the-dark dinosaurs, my friends singing Pocahontas songs, a wonderful Bible study, and a perfect time of prayer and singing to God made for one of the most precious and beautiful times I have ever had. I couldn't sleep after that, and I just wanted to tell everyone I knew about how good God has been to me. Since it was late at night, I ended up just calling my little brother and telling him how God had just swept me off my feet. I wish I could have that attitude and intensity about God all the time. So when I woke up this morning, I was pumped up and ready to go out and live life. I know there will be many, many days where I won't feel that excited about getting out of bed. But I hope that I never forget that God has placed me where I am for a reason, and that every day He gives me is a blessing. I need to live for his glory every day no matter what the circumstance. As my pastor said last Sunday, "Sometimes we don't feel like doing something, but we do it anyway because He is still worthy." And a good way to wrap this all up is this line from my devotional that I read last night. "You gave Your life for me because You loved me. Help me to do the same for You."