Last night's snack: tons of sunflower seeds, few gummy worms
I am completely heartbroken about the Rangers. That's all I have to say.

Today
Bfast: oatmeal, coffee (ran out of fruit)
Lunch: Nachos with b. beans, corn, tomatoes, and lots of salsa and cheese
Snack: I'm thinking coffee and a cupcake after work
Dinner:?
Today is my rest day for exercise, so I may just take a nice, long walk this evening.

Workout: Ran slow 1/2 mile, ran moderately fast 2 miles, ran slow 1/2 mile, walked 1/2 mile; arm strength training; abs
Snack: 2 cookies and hot chocolate
Dinner: Sayakomarn's stir fried mixed vegetables, sonic drink

So my meals went exactly like I said.
Snack: sunflower seeds, cookies, chocolate milk, gummy worms
I know this is the most unhealthy snack ever. I just got nervous watching the Rangers game so I kept eating. Nervous eating is a bad habit that I need to stop. The Rangers game was so nerve wracking. I was running in place in our living room for like 30-40 minutes. Luckily my roommates were not out there to laugh at me. I screamed a lot. I will admit that when we got close to winning like 3 times, I started to tear up a little. Then we kept messing up and eventually lost it. I kicked something out of rage. I have issues obviously. So its on to Game 7. I have been waiting for the Rangers to win the World Series for a long time. Thanks to my older brother I am completely obsessed. I know they can win it. (Insert scene from Angels in the Outfield when the whole stadium starts flapping their arms.)

Bfast: cereal, peach, coffee
Lunch: nachos (chips, cheese, b. beans, tomatoes, corn) and lots of salsa
Snack: ?

I woke up early this morning to go workout with my friend but when I walked outside I realized it had snowed a ton and wasn't stopping. I attempted to get snow off my car, but it was surrounded by mud and it was still really dark outside. So I didn't go to the gym. Instead I did some yoga and ab exercises.
Bfast: oatmeal, peach, coffee (didnt finish it all)
Lunch: PBJ, granola bar, pumpkin latte, few gummy worms
Snack: Hot chocolate and Halloween cookies
Dinner: Sandwich w/ mozzarella and tomatoes, chicken and stars soup
Snack:?

Morning workout: Bike-10 min, leg strength training, ran 1 mile
Snack: Carmel mocha from McDonald's
Dinner: Sandwich w/ mozzarella cheese, tomatoes, mushrooms and corn and black beans on the side
Evening workout: Ran 2 miles, walked 1/2 a mile
Snack: yogurt, few gummy worms

Overall really good day eating and exercise-wise. My roommate and I were talking about running a race sometime soon. I'm thinking about doing the Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving. No Rangers game tonight was really sad, but I can't wait to watch the game tomorrow!

So my snack yesterday was actually cake. I know...fail for me. In my art class, one of the girls brought a cake for part of her lesson plan. I was just being a good student by eating it. Ok I'll admit it. It was wonderfully delicious and it looked like the American flag. Does it make it healthy if it has fruit on it?

Dinner: homemade quesadilla (cheese, mushrooms, corn, black beans, tomatoes) with salsa and avacado.
Snack: chocolate milk and rice krispy treat
I shouldn't have drank all the choc. milk or eaten the rice krispy treat, but I did. I hadn't had choc. milk in awhile and it tasted wonderful.

Today

Bfast: cereal, coffee, peach
Lunch: chili w/ cheese, corn and saltines
Snack: ? not sure. Nothing sounds good
Dinner: Probably mac and cheese, chicken nuggets

What I ate yesterday:
Bfast: cereal, coffee, peach
Lunch: chicken, mushrooms, mozzarella cheese and tomato
Snack: pumpkin seed, cheerios, cranberry mix
Dinner: PBJ, yogurt, rice krispy treat
Snack: pumpkin seeds, cranberries

I ate pretty healthy yesterday. I think I was too busy to worry about eating. I procrastinated on all my homework so I worked on it all day and then after work. I only got around 5 hrs of sleep, so today I may need some more coffee or a nap. Good news: Rangers won Game 5 of the World Series! We are one game away from winning it all!

Eating today:
Bfast: oatmeal, 1/2 banana, coffee
Lunch: PBJ, cheerio/cranberry mix
Snack: I'm thinking I will have a rice krispy treat and coffee
Dinner: Predicting I will eat chili.

This afternoon I had another cup of coffe instead of a candy.
Dinner: Pizza
Snack/Dessert: cupcakes
Not the healthiest dinner and snack. But on the bright side, I didn't eat all the cupcakes. I don't feel bad about eating any of it. I ate till I was full and then stopped. I got to spend a great night bonding with my roomies.

Rejection

 I love reading blogs. Especially ones about healthy eating. Its kind of nerdy of me, but oh well. There is one that I read, whose writer I have a few things in common with. So the other day I realized that since she knows so much about healthy eating and I'm trying to find ways to be healthier, why not ask for her advice.
So in my efforts to live life more fully and to be healthier, I took a chance and emailed her for some healthy eating advice. After I sent the email I was super excited about her possibly emailing me back. So later that day when I checked my email I was happy to see I had a reply to my email. But her reply email was very disappointing. One sentence. That's it. It said something like, "Sorry I can't give personal advice, but thanks for reading the blog." Boo. Even though I don't know this lady, I was very hurt by her response. I suddenly got angry. Looking back I'm pretty sure I called her a turd. How sweet of me.
I'm not telling this story so that we can gang up on her and throw tomatoes at her. I just realized through this experience that I am not good with rejection. Even when its something as little as this was. It opened up my eyes to how I'm living my life with a fear of being rejected. When making new friends, when talking to boys, when trying new things, etc. I purposely do not put myself out there because I'm afraid people won't like what they see and throw it back at me. Even though its completely normal to not like being rejected, I shouldn't let it hold me back from trying new things or meeting new people. So when I emailed that lady, I was hoping to learn something. Well I did. Not what I thought I would, but at least its something. I need to stop being afraid that people aren't gonna like me. I need to live with confidence. I don't want to miss out on any more great experiences because I'm living in fear.

So I have already been a slacker with this food journal haha. Usually people don't slack off the first couple days of a plan, but I'm not most people.
Breakfast: A bowl of oatmeal with a little brown sugar and syrup, coffee (much needed), and a peach.
Lunch: PBJ sandwich, mix of cheerios and dried cranberries
Snack: itty bitty candy bar, granola bar
Already had my breakfast, but this is what I'm planning on eating for lunch and snack. I'm not sure yet what I'm gonna have for dinner and for my after dinner snack.

New beginnings

Even though I have struggled with healthy eating habits since I came to college, this last summer and this semester have been the worst. I feel like I'm eating all the time. If I eat anything sweet I turn into this monster and I can't stop eating. A lot of people have days where they eat too much, but I feel like that every day. For some reason I have convinced myself that it is ok to eat like that everyday, but there are consequences. None of my clothes fit like they should anymore. Every time I look in the mirror my heart cries a little. Some days I get so fed up that I decide that tomorrow is a  new day and I'm gonna start eating healthy. But then something happens that stresses me out or I have a bad day at work or I have a great day and want to celebrate. I always end up eating way too much. I have tried finding accountability partners so that we can encourage each other to be healthy, but it never works. It just feels like no one in my life right now understands what I'm going through. I tell them about it but they act like its no big deal.
I want to make a change in my life but I don't know how to be successful. I feel like I know how all the things I need to do to be healthy but its actually following through with them that is the problem. I think its mostly out of boredom, stress, and loneliness that I eat the way I do. But I don't want to end up 5 years later struggling with the same stuff or being even worse. I want to live my life right now to the fullest without fear of what people think of me. I want to be able to walk into a room with confidence and not worry if people are staring at me and the extra weight I have put on. I don't want to be known as the girl who is hungry all the time or the one always eating. When I picture myself, I see a healthy, fit person who is passionate about what they're doing in life and enjoying every day that God has given me. But that is not how I am right now. I'm the complete opposite.
 I don't want to diet and stop eating sweets because that never works. Why would I want to completeley cut out all the wonderful tasting foods? I just want to be able to go to the kitchen, eat one or two cookies and then stop. I want to be able to eat a bowl of ice cream and then stop, not crave more and more sweets. I don't want to constantly be thinking about when I get to eat next. I want to stop living my life from meal to meal. That's not really living. I want to enjoy a good meal, but not have that be the highlight of my day. So I have decided to start keeping a blog food journal. This way I am more aware of what I am eating and how much of it. I know absolutely no people read this blog but I feel like this will help me stay accountable. I used to keep a food journal in just a notebook. But I would always forget to write it down, or I would feel so guilty about what I ate that I would not write it in there. With this though people can see if I didn't write down what I ate or they can encourage me with ways to eat better.
I have so many reasons to want to be healthy. I just have to want those things more than I want the food that is in the kitchen calling my name. So if you reading this, which I doubt anyone will, please help keep me accountable. Remind me of reasons to be healthy. Give me tips on how to eat healthier. Invite me to go exercise with you. Help me to live life to the fullest instead of living a life where I'm always full from my last meal.